Nemo
-
Posts
309 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Everything posted by Nemo
-
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be So stupid and so beautiful all at the same time! The wife responded, "Allow me to explain, God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
-
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of Yours?" "Yep!" the wife replied, "In-laws!"
-
1st Lady: Hi, I'm Wanda! 2nd Lady: Hi, I'm Sylvia, how'd you die? Wanda: I froze to death. Sylvia: How horrible! Wanda: It wasn't too bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? Sylvia: I died of a massive heart ataack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But, instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. Wanda: So what happened? Silvia: I was so sure there was another woman there that I dashed running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and then down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I'd looked everywhere, and finally became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. Wanda: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer.....We'd both still be alive today!
-
Thank You, Dray! I just ordered a pair! Owen
-
Question. Where did you purchase those flag mounts on the trunk rack? Owen.
-
I love Scubba Diving! I and 4 of our kids are Certified Scuba Divers. I also really enjoy water skiing. And, trading stocks on the internet. But, I love my wife - She is my SPECIAL hobby! Owen.
-
I love Iowa, too, but don't spend your retirement years fighting that snow and cold. Start saving the dollars now, then spend them later on a motorhome and spend the Winters in Southern Texas or Florida. We stay in Mission, TX. You could even take the bike with you! But, Spring is just around the corner, so think positive.
-
Come on you guys - quit bragging!
-
A Cowboy from Sweetwater, Texas walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the Loan Officer. He told the Loan Officer that he was going to Paris for an International Rodeo for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.00 and that he was not a depositor of this bank. The bank Officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Cowboy handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Cowboy produced the title and everything checked out. The Loan Officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge him a 12% interest. Later, the bank's President and it's officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Cowboy from Texas for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it. Two weeks later, the Cowboy returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The LoanOfficer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very well, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn and Bradstreet and found that you are a highly sophisticated investor and a multi millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater Texas. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrrow $5,000?" The good ole' Texas boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?" Don't mess with TEXANS!
-
That'll Work!!!
-
A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up!" He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice again say, "Pick me up!" He looked in the water and there, floating on top, was a frog. The man said, "Are you talking to me?" The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you've ever seen!" "I'll make sure that all your friends are envious because I will be your bride." The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his front pocket. The frog said, "What! Are you nuts?" "Didn't you hear what I said?" I said "Kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride!" He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age, I'd rather have a talking frog!" With age comes Wisdom!
-
1. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said; "Keep off the Grass!" 2. The midget fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 3. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 4. A backward poet writes in verse. 5. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes. 6. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine. 7. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardes looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were cold, so they lit a fire in the craft. unsurprisingly it sank. Proving again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 9. Two Hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive." 10. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
-
Hell, you guys are all just KIDS! I was called into active duty from the Air Force Reserves at Offutt Air Force Base in Omaha, in June 1951, during the Korean War. And that also just seems like yesterday. One of the best things that ever happened to me, though. Still benefitting from it. Owen.
-
1. The fattest knight at King Authur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan Island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary. 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 10. Time flies like an arow. Fruit flies like a banana. 11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here - I'll go on a head!" 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. ***More Later!
-
Great looking rig! What's in the trailer, besides the Bike?
-
Thanks Snaggletooth and T.J. for that update. I'm in Palmview Texas now, for the winter, and missed that report. Very, Very sad accldent! Prayers for the families!
-
What was the outcome of the drunken driver that crossed the center line and killed them?
-
I too have Carbon 1's adapter and I'll highly recommend it. Heavier tubing may be ok, but isn't necessary. These units would never bend or break and the jack will slip right under with no raising of the bike. It does a fine job. Withl the proper jack, the bike can easily be moved around. I'm a happy camper!
-
Goat that's faster than a speeding bullet, maybe even a 1st GEN.
Nemo replied to Mel's topic in Jokes and Humor
That's so funny, I cried laughing!!! -
I have a sister in law who is a religious fanatic - I'll send this to her!!
-
Good Point!
-
If I bought physical gold, I'd have problems finding places to hide it and worries that someone would find it. The demand for gold will continue to rise within the next few years with China and other nations devaluing their currency and stocking large quanities of gold bullion. I recommend gold mines. The US has a monopoly on producing mines and as demand rises, don't be supprised to see a $5000 per oz price in the near future.
-
Cabbie picks up Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks why he is staring. He replies, "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everythng. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a Nun kiss me." She responds, "Well let's see what we can do about that: #!, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I am a Catholic!" "OK" the Nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The Nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," says the Nun, "Why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess: I'm married and I'm Jewish." The Nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party!" HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!
-
Just be sure to measure the length of the pads before buying. I had bought one, and returned it because the length of the pads were too short to fully fit under the Carbon one adapter. That was 2 years ago so maybe by now their pattern has changed. Also the casters would bind up as I moved it around. I thought it was junk! Owen.
-
Hello Guys!! Since this is the first time that I recall reading your comments about the rear drive oil, I have a couple of questions. What type of oil, how much and how do you accomplish the project? Thank You! Nemo.