How do you say goodbye.

[KarlS]

Tonight I had to go say goodbye to a friend of 50+ years because he his going to die tomorrow. Tomorrow they will fill him up with morphine and unplug him from everything keeping him alive, they don't give him any chance of surviving and he will choke to death because he cannot breath on his own. His brain works fine and understands what is happening tomorrow but he cannot talk but just nod his head. I just don't know if I said the right things. I hope my children never have to see me like that or have to make "that" choice. I told him to dream about riding and gave me a thumbs up. Just hope I said the right things.

Edited December 4, 2013 by KarlS

[Guest tx2sturgis]

Karl, you didnt say his name...

 

Tell us a little about him...

 

I lost a good friend of 30 years earlier this year.

 

Dusty. (MrOldFart2U)

 

He was a former rider and even had memberships on this board...but he could not afford even the $12 a year to remain a member. A few years ago I hosted a chatroom radio broadcast and he was one of the DJ's...so even while he was gravely ill and in pain....the meds, and the fun of doing radio when he felt good enuff...was good enuff for me.

 

And yes, I offered to pay for a membership but he said nah...he didnt need me to spend $12 just so he could look at bike pics....sounds funny now but he meant it.

 

His death has left a big hole in my life....as most of my good friends have moved or passed on.

 

There are no right things to say...really...your friend knew how you felt I'm sure.

 

Take care buddy.

 

 

 

Edited December 4, 2013 by tx2sturgis

[Evan]

I once wanted to comfort a friend whose daughter was killed by a drunk driver. I remember telling him that I didn't know what to say and his response was that just being there to comfort him was the best words.

[k9cottage]

i think thanking them for being a part of your life and letting you be a part of theirs is about all you can say, i have been there and it takes quite a while to get used to them not being around but you will find yourself smiling and having a chuckle when you start to remember some of the things he or she has done to be part of your life.

[Hummingbird]

I've been trying to imagine being in that circumstance, I can't see myself there. I'm sure you did the right thing - - - - -

[Brake Pad]

I'm sorry to hear of this. Nor in any of our lives, were we ever taught to deal with a passing of a loved one. The very best you can do is cry for his passing, and remember him, as you once knew him. I know that a piece of us dies with a loved one when they pass over. I know, I've had my share. It's faith, that will help you through this, and this wonderful family you have here.

[etcswjoe]

Went through this with Mom a couple years ago and all I can say is just be there and let him know that you care which I am sure he already does most of all cherish the memories.

[bongobobny]

Karl, sometimes just our presence speaks volumes! At least his mind still works so he was aware of you in the room...

[Phoneman1981]

Sorry to hear about your friend. Just being there was a blessing. Your memories will comfort you.

[crazygaucho]

I went through this a couple years ago with my father. He was never sick before but he always told us if something ever happen to him not to keep him alive as a vegetable.

I still remember ridding in the tank of his BMW R (very very long time ago)

my condolences to you

[PGunn]

My Dad did pretty much the same thing. First it was throat cancer and they removed his voice box. Next after 7 years he went back in and had kidney cancer in one kidney went on dialysis. Well the doc told him here is the deal you now have cancer in your other kidney and it is spreading through your whole body what do you want to do? He asked about the morphine and they said no law won't let us. So he asked what if I go off dialysis? Doc you would have 3 - 4 days at the most so he took that route. One mistake made was Dad had a pacemaker which kept his heart beating. He lasted 5 days 2 of which were in a coma. Some folks say he was being selfish ending his life in that manner which I disagree and replay with: I am not the one who has to live with the pain, I am not the one who has to depend on others for my basic needs, I am not the one who will be a burden to others as I lay there waiting for the time to pass.

[Eddie]

Sorry to hear that Karl , I myself have lost key people in my life and it seems to get quiet sometimes , but I believe there is something after this life and you just move on.

[Carbon_One]

Sorry to hear of your loss Karl. As everyone has said we all at one time or other have dealt with this topic. Your presence was appreciated I'm sure. Remember him by keeping him close to your heart.

Larry

[Barry1951]

I remember sitting with my Dad in his hospital room, just waiting, , ,and waiting. He had a rare form of cancer that caused all of his blood to clot in the veins. He developed gangrene in his feet and legs. The Dr. wanted to remove his legs at the hips. I asked if that would save his life, the Dr. said it would not. I asked why you would want to do something like that to someone then. No real answer.

I told the Dr. that He could not do that, that my Dad would rather be dead than be in that kind of shape, even if it would have lengthened his life.

I held my Dad's hand until he passed away. He had been in a coma for a couple of days but I hope that he knew I was there. I think he did.

I read a saying on one of my daughter-in-law's paintings the other day, , , , " Whenever one of our loved ones goes to Heaven, , , we all have a little Heaven in us".

My Dad has been gone nearly 35 years but I still remember all of the things he and I did together and I miss him every day.

[ragtop69gs]

Like others have said,

 

It's not what you said, it's that you were there for him that speaks volumes of your relationship.

 

Sorry for your loss my friend.

[bill in mn]

Wow sorry to hear about your friend. Don't know what to say that might make things easier. I know that I make sure there is nothing I wish I had said , or something I wish I haden't said to the people close to me. Sounds like you have that covered . I have faith he'll be fine and we will all be together again.

[Drreb]

What you said was perfect. There is no easy way to let someway go. But "Amazing Grace" will carry him and you through this storm. I am very sorry for your loss.

[cowpuc]

Thanks for sharing this with us Karl, sure got me thinking.. In the last 2 months I have lost 2 really close friends and you got me thinking.. Both of mine passed away without my getting to say goodbye.. On one hand I envy you cause you are getting the rare opportunity to actually be there with a loved one during the dieing process, and get to say thank you for sharing their life with you.. On the other, TOUGH STUFF!

Thank you for your courage and thoughtfulness in honoring your friend by being there for him!! I am sure just your presents and any words spoken comforted him beyond words.

My thoughts and prayers for your friend, his family and you Karl!!

Puc

[cecdoo]

Its never easy, all you can do is your very best and it sounds like that is exactly what you did. May he rest in peace. Hopefully you have alot of great memories to help you thru this difficult time.

 

Craig

[Oldodge]

I am so sorry for your loss. You were there, it probably mattered little what was actually said. You were there and that speaks volumes for your character and of your love for your friend.

[KIC]

I recently have been there and done that. I know it made a different to my friend and his family. Just remember the good times and know that that family will want to talk about him in the future. So keep in touch with them and share your memories.

 

My friend's wife showed up one day and gave me his fly fishing equipment and a bunch of his hand made flies. I don't know if I'll ever use the flies with the fear of losing one of them.

 

My heartfelt sympathies to you and his family.

[Brown Angel]

I will never forget when my mother was dying and it was the last night that she was to live I spoke to her and hugged her and with tears and the feeling of never letting her go I told her, "mom the pain is going to stop very soon... tomorrow you'll be in heaven".

Edited December 5, 2013 by Brown Angel
spelling

[KarlS]

Finally heard from his brother, seems doctors took more tests today and confirmed his lungs are working at only 2% and wants all family members up to hospital tomorrow for a meeting. His brother didn't know why they wanted another family meeting.

[Barrycuda]

I'm sorry to hear of this. Nor in any of our lives, were we ever taught to deal with a passing of a loved one. The very best you can do is cry for his passing, and remember him, as you once knew him. I know that a piece of us dies with a loved one when they pass over. I know, I've had my share. It's faith, that will help you through this, and this wonderful family you have here.

 

Sorry to hear of your pain and expected loss of a dear friend. Mike makes sense with his post. Two years ago I watched my mom, my only parent die right in front of me. I cried the equivalent of a thousand rivers. typing this now makes my eyes blurry. I feel a major void in my life that will never be filled, ever.

 

Karl, you did say the right thing and you being there for him, is an honorable and important step for both you and him. Hopefully you can use your family, friends and just as important, the memories you shared together as a way to get through tough times. I think I can speak for almost all of us that we are here for you...