re-thinking my wife riding..

[Zfrebird4]

... IF we let them. Recently I rode a female friend who had not ridden, and she balanced well for the most part, and I enjoyed the company. However, being alone with not 'connection' between us of lasting merit, she became afraid to ride again.

 

I think the key here is that the ladies have to determine and measure the level of their fear, and pass it on as 'nothing,' 'very little,' or 'just some.'

 

This has been a good post and I thank all who have contributed. I look forward to reading more, too.

 

And perhaps someday I'll have that cherished friend behind me that is my new soul mate. I just keep riding, ... lol , .... and looking.

 

All ride safe and happy together!

 

JackZ

 

... and keep your close! Jz

[Aussie Annie]

As most of you know I had a bad accident nearly two and a half years ago, and I'm still wearing a fixator on my leg and awaiting more surgery. Riding with my man [Quickstep] has always been something that means a great deal to me. Our trips away on the bikes over the years have given me such wonderful memories.

Do I still ride?? YOU BETCHA!! LIFE IS FOR LIVING.

When I'm old and grey, sitting in a corner drooling--there will be a smile on my face 'cause I'll be remembering all my adventures with Alan and the memories we made.

If you trust your partner [and GOD] then what will be, will be. Can't wrap yourself in cotton wool and sit home "just in case"

You can only control so much..........wear safety gear always,pay attention when riding, maintain the bike -- and enjoy.

But if you have some fear when riding with a pillion, instead of being relaxed, then that is when your reaction may be altered!!!

 

All down to TRUST

[Solodadof2]

Well my thoughts are this my wife and I use motorcycling as a way to stay connected. I could get killed walking across the street to get the mail. Let your wife decide what she want to do. If is is fear of your own personal riding skill then take a riders course to help you overcome that fear. Good luck

[gunboat]

hi folks

i have read all the post so far and would like to add to them. as a lot of you have said you have to live life and i agree with this. you try to be prepared as much as possible, always on the look out. my fixen to be ex-wife never rode with me. my daughter sarah has rode with me quite a bit. she even went with me to the 08 international rally in canada. that was over 4,000 miles round trip and we had a blast. could i live with my self if we had been in a accident and she didn't make it. honest to god don't know if i could live without her. i have lived a full life and she is just starting. but we must go on and be as safe as can be. today i had the honor to give a new female friend her first ride on a motorcycle. we went about 125 miles round trip, yep she was a little tense and i don't blame her it was her frist ride and she doesn't realy know me. but she did just fine. her children i found out was giving her a lot of heck. it comes down to trust with the one your riding with and love in the good lord that today is not the day he's calling you home.

best reguards to all

don c.

[OB-1]

I suggest that we all take the MSF Experienced Rider’s Course with our passenger. My wife and I did it last summer and we may do again this year as a tune-up after a long winter of not riding. We can’t stop the "other guy" from making stupid moves, but we can perfect our own skills while carrying our passenger. Bikes handle different with different loads, so load your bike as normal and take the course. Then, regularly hunt an empty parking lot and practice those quick stops and tight turns. The experience may just save the life of your best friend!

[BuddyRich]

Automobile or Bike. Once you step out of your house and insert that key you are engaging in a very dangerous activity. One that some treat lightly and others take very seriously. Treat it as a matter of life and death no matter what vehicle your in/on. Try to never let your guard down because even with it, crap still happens.

[mike_kelly_68]

I don't converse here much but have to chime in on this one, as this is a discussion that Nan and I have had since I began riding again. She has been on the bike with me some but since she went to the hospital to visit a friend that was t-boned she will have nothing to do with it. I have been down, but I have never had a bad injury, cuts and scratches mainly. I have heard, on here and talking with other riding friends about "THE BIG ONE" being inevitable, well folks this ain't NASCAR, sorry, I know some of us ride like it is. And that is my point. I take chances alone on the bike that I will not take with her on the bike. But, I also don't go out looking for the worst to happen. I try to keep my distance and let the cagers have their room. I know that they WILL NOT SEE ME so I have to see them.

 

Nan and I have had this same discussion many times and she still choose not to ride. I believe in my God and that he has a plan for me, her and our children. I also believe that plan includes an end time and date, when, is a matter of a matter of fact, how I end is a circumstance of that plan. I will go HOME when he said. Whether I go on the bike or drooling in the bed next to my wife is what it is.

 

I have no fear of riding and wrecking, I have fear of not living my life to meat my FATHERS expectations of me, HE said not to fear but to trust in HIM for all. If we are faithful and do the few simple things that HE asks, HE will meet ALL our needs.

 

Thanks for the ear, I just needed another place to vent my frustration over this topic, hope it helps someone.

[royalstarjac]

This has been a very interesting thread with many thoughtful responses.

 

My wife and I have been married for 33 1/2 yrs. Since she was 18 and I was 19. I had always wanted a bike but other proirities got in the way. I did have a 250 enduro back in the early '80s for a while but didn't have it for long and I don't even remember what happened to it.

 

My wife has aquired a host of health problems over the years. She has been an insulin dependent diabetic since '81. In 1996 she was struck by a semi as she was rendering medical assistance at an accident scene. She was (is) an RN. She survived only by a miracle but suffered many painful injuries and is in pain to this day. Without oxycontin she wouldn't be able to get out of bed.

 

About 10 years ago I started talking about getting a bike. I figured it would be something we could do together. She said "no way" and thought I really wanted something that I could do to get away from her.

 

5 years ago she was diagnosed witha type of stomach cancer and had 2/3 of her stomach removed. After a long ordeal she came through that ok.

 

We both came to the same conclusion at the same time without even talking about it (people who've been married a long time will understand that) that life can be over at any time so you better get out there and live while you have the chance. Tip toeing thru life hoping nothing bad will happen is not living.

 

We started looking for a bike and ended up getting a 97 Royal Star tour Classic for our 30th anniversary. A little while later I found a geat deal on a Venture and got it for more long distance comfort.

 

We have had more fun and good times in the last 3 years than we had in the previous 30. We're both adults and understand the risks. We trust that God will take care of us no matter what occurs just as he has our whole lives.

 

There is more to the story and we are adding to it each day. We had a great day yesterday meeting up with some of our VR friends. Then we took off by ourselves and rode some of the best roads in N Ga and WNC on a beautiful day. No matter what happens we will always have the memories of that day and many before it and God willing many more to come.

 

God bless and ride safe!

Edited April 11, 2010 by royalstarjac

[Venturous Randy]

In the last 15 years I have put about 115,000 miles on a motorcycle. Most of these were with my wife. We were lucky and other than a few tip overs, one at low speed while making a u-turn while on a slope going too slow that caused some skint knees, we did very well. The bike has been a big part of our entertainment. But, I must admit that the fear of hurting her was always in my mind.

Now, as several of you have noted, I too am going through a divorce and will have to deal with what my future holds with a passenger. In the future, would it be a dealbreaker to meet someone that refused to ride with me? I don't know, but it would be something to think about. I know there are some wonderful places I would love to share a ride with someone, especially with someone that appreciates it and enjoys it. I do know that I sure have had some requests to take some for a ride.

Yes, getting on a motorcycle is obviously more exposed to danger than most any other vehicle. But the exposure and openness is the very thing that makes riding so special. Does luck have anything to do with surviving? Probably, but being deligent, having loud air horns with my thumb on the button, a strobe in my headlight and strobes across the trunk when I apply the brakes seems to help too.

RandyA

[Mel]

I had a tank slap today, combined with high wind.. quick thinking and a strong guardian angel were the only factors that kept me from becoming a hood ornimate on a volvo tractor trailer.

 

 

Well, I think I would worry more about what caused the tank slap than worry about whether or not to ride with a companion. It's all about companionship, and if my partner would prefer to not ride with me for whatever reason, there would be a lot less riding. Being together to enjoy life is what it's all about.

 

I'm 73 today and really giving some thought about my capability to handle 1,200 pounds of motorcycle, passenger, rider and cargo.

 

Check the motorcycle for everything you can think of to correct the problem. You must have confidence in your ride or you will be forever questioning the safety of your passenger and yourself.

 

FWIW

 

Mel:Venture:

[bongobobny]

Well, I feel like a bledded man as my wife loves to ride! Yes, we have dropped it hard a couple of times, and last year hit a deer on the way back from MD but we both know the risks every time we swing a leg over.

 

I also know exactly how you feel about not ever wanting to hurt your wife as she is the most important person you know! Every time we have dropped it my first and foremost concern is my wife! Thank God we have never had a bad accident as I know I would go absolutely crazy!! My wife is a breast cancer survivor and I distinctly remember what that was like to go thru!

 

Sooo, my answer to your concerns is to consider how she feels about the subject, and remember there are a lot more threats in life besides a possible MC accident. When she does ride I hope it triggers a response to be extra careful. The last thing she wants is for you to get hurt as well!!!!!

[Guest seuadr]

thanks for all the responses, guys. alot to think on. shes gonna read this thread also.

[BuckShot]

Very interesting responses. We all have concerns when rideing. My wife and I delayed our honeymoon for 2 years and took a 2 week bike trip. We still ride that same bike today. She said I can never sell it. When the kids got alittle older, we added a sidecar and took them. Now they both ride their own bikes,(son 25 and daughter 22 yrs old now) We enjoy rides with them all the time. Its great family time together. If the bike comes out of the garage, my wife if putting on her helmet and so are the kids. Last year at the international rally, I hit a dog and the bike was going all over the place. My wife just sat back there, didn't move,yell,scream or nothing. Scared us and the couple behind us. When I asked her if she was alright and that I was surprised she didn't do anything, she said she trusted me to do my best to get us out of danger. We have such wonderful memories on the bike and riding with the kids.

Last summer my son's friend almost died because of a bike accident. His own fault---Affected my kids ,wife and I but we still ride. I worry about my kids as we all do, but when they are out on the bikes I worry alittle more. When I worry, I think of what I told my mom when I brought my first bike home. Mom, I don't want to be sitting on the front porch in a rocking chair saying to myself, I wish I would have tried that. Enjoy the ride and the company. The more you do together the closer you become with one another.

[wizard]

I agree with what Mel wrote. What bike were you riding? Maybe you should think about purchasing a good steering damper.

[wild hair 39]

i do not give anyone rides,i'm not as good as i used to be,the added wright and movement,takes most of the enjoyment out of riding,what happen to me, happens,don't want to take,anyone else with me

 

lowell

[YamaGeezer]

Wow, this thread is thought provoking, for sure. Our riding season is just about to begin, and this thread pops up.

 

My wife rides with me constantly. She loves it. I love her. We've never been down together, but I have went down alone on a previous bike. I think, though, that I'll change my ways a little after reading this thread. I'm a fairly aggressive motorcycle rider, even on the Venture. I've probably took some unnecessary risks on the bike with her on the back. No more.

 

I admit I don't dwell on the "what ifs" when riding the bike. I believe if you're constantly thinking about what could happen, you somehow take some of the pleasure out of riding. On the other hand, riding is certainly more serious and dangerous than any other activity we do together. Maybe I should consider the price to be paid if my speed and aggressiveness turns ugly. I plan to do just exactly that.

 

Thanks for the thread.

[Sleeperhawks Mechanic]

I have to put in my two cents worth here. Riding with Sleeperhawk is one of the best times I have, had and will ever have.

 

The time we share together on the bike is the best quality time a couple can have. There are no phones, no computers, no interruptions from work, just the two of us riding through God's beautiful country. It is a time we have together to share our past and present experiences and our hopes and dreams for the future. It is a bonding time like I have never experienced. It is so wonderful to be able to see and share the beautiful countryside together. I cannot imagine not being able to have this with Sleeperhawk.

 

The bike has also brought us so close to so many wonderful Venture Riders. The time we share with our great friends and the new friends we meet is priceless. Without the bike, we would not have the privilege of meeting you all and it is something we both cherish and treasure. Even the times we have with perfect strangers when we stop for gas or a bite to eat would not have happened otherwise. As a matter of fact, on our way back from Alabama each trip, we stop at a Georgia diner for lunch on Sunday and the same man has been there every time and asks how we are doing on the motorcycle!

 

There are always elements of dangers riding on a bike, but the same dangers exist in a car, plane, walking, and just daily activities. As some of you know, there has been only one time during one of our bike trips, we had a breakdown and I would not ride with Sleeperhawk for a short distance and that was because I did not want to put him into danger.

 

Sleeperhawk is a very defensible driver and rider and I trust him explicitly with my life. I have even told Ben and Jacque that should something happen to me, to never blame George that it happened because he takes all precautions possible to keep us safe. They both know how safe he is. I keep an eye out too for any potential dangers and without trying to be an annoying "backseat rider", I let him know what I see could be a potential hazard, but most of the time, he has already factored that it and is ready to react.

 

What I really and truly do recommend for all passengers is to take a basic beginners motorcycle course. I took one last year and it really made me so aware of what George goes through. I had taught myself how to ride a motorcycle years ago but it never went further. I just enjoyed being a passenger!

 

With this course, however, I became so aware of George has to do every second he is on the bike and then add to that, the weight, no matter how big or how small you are, effects a bike. With that knowledge, I really realized how important it was for me back there, riding with George, to be still, not to lean or "counter-lean" with him, to let him know when I had to shift to get a little more comfortable. I take a few pictures when we ride and he is always ready to compensate for that back and forth movement.

 

If a passenger ever doubts what effect you have when you are on the back of a bike, and believe me, I tried this and I was sooo amazed what I could do with the handling of the bike. The next time you are on the bike with your man and you are at a complete stop and standstill and he is aware what you are going to do, just sit back there, hold on to your rails and wiggle your butt. See what happens to the front end of the bike. Just make sure your man is holding on tight. Then imagine going down the road and doing that, what could happen. So just sit back there, relax and let him know when you are going to make any adjustments.

 

The love of riding is in both of us, and whatever happens will happen, we just know that we love being together on the bike and having that special time. What beautiful memories we have and will have on the bike!

 

Ride safe,

Bobbie

[Gary N.]

I have been having a hard time coming up with the right words to respond to this thread. As most of the long time members here know, I have lived through this very nightmare. On Oct. 17, 2007 I lost the love of my life, the mother of my children and my best friend for over 35 years in a bike accident. There is no physical pain worse then the pain of loosing your sole mate. I am still not over this and know that I never will be. I've learnt to live with the pain.

After three and half months in hospital and another three months of rehab I was able to get back on a bike again. Many people have asked me how I was able to do that after what I went through and I honestly can't answer that question. While I was laying in the hospital a couple of weeks after the accident I had already made up my mind that if I could walk again I was going to ride.

Bike riding has given me some of the greatest pleasure and also the worse pain I have had in my life. I don't have as strong a belief system that many of the members here have. Sometimes I wish I did. I really don't know what I believe any more. I do know that I enjoy life and I'm thankful that I'm still here to enjoy it. As long as I'm here and able too, I'll keep on keeping on. I found out how fragile our lives are so I'm going to enjoy everyday to the fullest and not worry about what might happen tomorrow.

[az1103]

Automobile or Bike. Once you step out of your house and insert that key you are engaging in a very dangerous activity. One that some treat lightly and others take very seriously. Treat it as a matter of life and death no matter what vehicle your in/on. Try to never let your guard down because even with it, crap still happens.

 

Well said.......

I have been riding for close to 50 years now. My late wife enjoyed an occasional ride but in 34 years we rode together maybe 20, 25 times....Mostly, I rode alone.

After she passed away and I remarried, I discovered my new wife loves it and resents any time I get on the bike alone. I must admit that I am scared for her because she was already 48 the first time she ever climbed on a bike and probably is not fully cognizant of possible consequences. She didn't even get a driver's license till she was 50!....But in the last 7+ years we have put about 15K on the bike and it has been a blast! I can no longer enjoy riding by myself..... Now, I can't say that my fear for her is any less, but I have come to grips with the fact that I can't take that pleasure away from her any more than I can stop riding myself.

Would she survive it if it was denied? Sure, but she wouldn't be "her" anymore! Would I survive without riding? Sure, but life would be so much less........

[Lobo Hurfiano]

This was also my concern. After years of solitary touring, I've found my tent mate.

I've never been an aggressive rider but from time to time I do have a lap of sanity,also there are things out there that can't be foreseen or controled.

The answer , for me...Safety course, safety ware, a well maintaned bike, 2 twin Sable 139db. horns.

I don't ride that much at night, but I'm hanging as many lights as I can support.

The biggist change is a Voiger conversion kit . More stability at low speed, more relaxed at stops , easer towing ,and much more visible.

Not all that great for peg scrapeing twistys,,but it only takes 10 min. to go back to 2 wheel 1up.

[scotty]

You have a hard question only you and your wife can answer.

My wife has been on the back when we dated, on our honeymoon, 9 months pregnant, I remember many times coming home from work with my wife coming out of the house with her helmet saying 'the baby's asleep, take me to the end of the driveway!'

Other than riding to work it is rare that I ride alone.

I do what I can to stack the odds in my favour, Proper gear, don't drink and drive, stay alert, don't take unnecessary risks, etc.

 

Interesting thought #1

Am I more carful when my wife is with me? I have to answer no. When riding alone I want to make it home to see my wife and family!

 

Interesting thought #2

My dad was up for a visit this winter. We were in the garage admiring the new bike. He started telling stories of his younger riding days, a lot of good laughs there. (Mom never cared for bikes and the triumph was sold shortly after they were married. He never rode again.) He paused and said "you know, i think you did a good thing buying that bike.... you get too old way too quick" It almost sounded like some regret in his voice.

 

As far as an answer, if I had all of the answers, I wouldn't have to work for a living.

[footsie]

But I can tell you what we have done, My wife has ridden with me when we were dating and first married, she had a GT 380 suzuki, but did not ride on long distance rides she rode with me, then 7 years into marriage we had our first daughter followed 6 years later by another. My wife didn't ride for a few years, and then I bought her another bike 83 virago. Then John and Diane got killed riding together on one bike and their children were left with no parents. Karren and I decided we would not get on the same bike together, nor did we ride close to each other in a pack. Our girls were young and we did not want to risk them losing us both, and it has been that way for years. The are 23 and 17 now so she rides with me some now and we will ride close to each other when ridding in group once again.

It comes down to a personel choice, you have to look at your situation, concider the risks and make a rational decision, but also can't let fear run your life. We made what we thought to be the best choice for us and our family without giving up riding.

 

Good Luck

 

Gregg

[Sweetnothing]

As most of you know, Brad and I were in a bad accident 2 years ago, and I ended up with a broken collar bone, and Brad had pulled muscles in his back, from trying to control the bike. Well I know he did as much as he could to prevent anything from happening, and that was a major part of my decision to get back on another bike! I trust him completely!!

Another thing is that we have been all over the country on our bikes, and it has been a big part of keeping us together! We enjoy the people and things we have seen all along the way!

I believe it has to be her ultimate decision, as it is her comfort zone that will make or break it!

Just think of how she would feel if you had an accident and she was not with you.....how would she feel!? She would have to live with that the rest of her life! I feel it's better to go together doing what we enjoy together, than sitting in a rocking chair and wishing we would have done something with our life together!

Good Luck to both of you, on what ever you decide on!!

[Guest tx2sturgis]

I'm dyslexic sometimes...so why are you having to rethink riding your wife?

 

 

 

 

 

[Squidley]

Well I ride on the back of the bike. I go with the hubby all the time, while he's been in Afghanistan I've been riding with Riderduke. I trust both of them completely. If something happens while I'm riding I know it's nothing they did to cause it. Life is way too short to worry about what may happen. I'd hate to get to the end and realize I could have been having a lot more fun. So enjoy while you can.

 

Margaret

 

 

Mini Hit it on the head, Lonna and I have been down, totalled a '99 RSV going 75 mph just west of Baton Rouge. I was ready to get back on in a couple of weeks, she was a bit more hesitant. I totally understood her fears and respected that if she didn't want to ride again then I would be on a different bike more than likely. I WONT give up riding, I'll give up life 1st. I dont let fear make my decisions for me, when it is my time, and our crash in Lousianna should have been it, I'll leave this planet knowing that I ran my life...and not fear. It's momma's decisions if she wants to ride, as long as she understands that our passion is a more dangerous one, good on her for not letting fear run her life

Edited April 12, 2010 by Squidley