I speaka da hinglish the way she is spoked

[Trader]

Amazing we all learned English!

I think a retired English teacher was bored. THIS IS GREAT!

Read all the way to the end.

This took a lot of work to put together!

You think English is easy??

1) The bandage was

wound

around the

wound.

2) The farm was used to

produce produce

.

3) The dump was so full that it had to

refuse

more

refuse

.

4) We must

polish

the

Polish

furniture.

5) He could

lead

if he would get the

lead

out.

6) The soldier decided to

desert

his dessert in the

desert.

7) Since there is no time like the

present

, he thought it was time to

present

the

present

.

8) A

bass

was painted on the head of the

bass

drum.

9) When shot at, the

dove dove

into the bushes.

10) I did not

object

to the

object.

11) The insurance was

invalid

for the

invalid.

12) There was a

row

among the oarsmen about how to

row

.

13) They were too

close

to the door to

close

it.

14) The buck

does

funny things when the

does

are present.

15) A seamstress and a

sewer

fell down into a

sewer

line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his

sow

to

sow.

17) The

wind

was too strong to

wind

the sail.

18) Upon seeing the

tear

in the painting I shed a

tear.

19) I had to

subject

the

subject

to a series of tests.

20) How can I

intimate

this to my most

intimate

friend?

Let's face it, English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down; you fill in a form by filling it out; an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this:

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is

'UP'

It's easy to understand

UP

meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake

UP

?

At a meeting, why does a topic come

UP

?

Why do we speak

UP

and why are the officers

UP

for election and why is it

UP

to the secretary to write

UP

a report?

We call

UP

our friends.

And we use it to brighten

UP

a room, polish

UP

the silver; we warm

UP

the leftovers and clean

UP

the kitchen.

We lock

UP

the house, and some guys fix

UP

the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.

People stir

UP

trouble, line

UP

for tickets, work

UP

an appetite, and think

UP

excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed

UP

is special.

A drain must be opened

UP

because it is stopped

UP

.

We open

UP

a store in the morning but we close it

UP

at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed

UP

about

UP

!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of

UP

, look the word

UP

in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes

UP

almost 1/4th of the page and can add

UP

to about thirty definitions.

If you are

UP

to it, you might try building

UP

a list of the many ways

UP

is used.

It will take

UP

a lot of your time, but if you don't give

UP

, you may wind

UP

with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding

UP

.

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing

UP

.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things

UP

.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry

UP

.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it

UP,

for now my time is

UP

,

s

o........it is time to shut

UP

!

Now it's

UP

to you to decide what to do with this email.

[Marcarl]

IT just ain't write that you should post something so silly as this. I thought the better of you, butt IT seems that: hear we go again.

[Yammer Dan]

Its got to be Winter!!!

[SilvrT]

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD

 

Well, it's sh!t ... that's right, sh!t!

Sh!t may just be the most functional word in the English language.

 

Consider:

You can get sh!t-faced, Be sh!t-out-of-luck, Or have sh!t for brains.

 

With a little effort, you can get your sh!t together, find a place for your sh!t, or be asked to sh!t or get off the pot.

 

You can smoke sh!t, buy sh!t, sell sh!t, lose sh!t, find sh!t, forget sh!t,

and tell others to eat sh!t.

 

Some people know their sh!t, while others can't tell the difference

between sh!t and shineola.

 

There are lucky sh!ts, dumb sh!ts, and crazy sh!ts. There is bull sh!t, horse sh!t, and chicken sh!t.

 

 

You can throw sh!t, sling sh!t, catch sh!t, shoot the sh!t,or duck when the sh!t hits the fan.

 

You can give a sh!t or serve sh!t on a shingle.

 

You can find yourself in deep sh!t or be happier than a pig in sh!t.

 

Some days are colder than sh!t, some days are hotter than sh!t,

and some days are just plain sh!tty.

 

Some music sounds like sh!t, things can look like sh!t, and there are times when you feel like sh!t.

 

You can have too much sh!t, not enough sh!t, the right sh!t, the wrong sh!t or a lot of weird sh!t.

 

You can carry sh!t, have a mountain of sh!t, or find yourself up sh!t creek without a paddle.

 

Sometimes everything you touch turns to sh!t and other times you fall in a bucket of sh!t and come out smelling like a rose.

 

 

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.

 

And remember, once you know your sh!t, you don't need to know anything else!!

 

You could pass this along, if you give a sh!t; or not do so if you don't give a sh!t!

 

Well, Sh!t, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a sh!t and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of sh!t. But, if you happened to catch a load of sh!t from some sh!t-head...........

Well, Sh!t Happens!!!

[XV1100SE]

Whomever did it did a good write up ! Whoever doesn't like it.... too bad for them for to err is human, to forgive divine. This one should go too anyone who wants to learn to speak proper English !

[Bubber]

Heh Trader!

I GIVE UP!

[wrenchrob]

WOW

[mother]

and we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway.

[pegscraper]

That should be, "... look UP the word UP in the dictionary."

 

And why do slow up and slow down mean the same thing?

[mabeline]

and when you get up in the morning U.....P !!!

[wrenchrob]

and when you get up in the morning U.....P !!!

:rotf::rotf:

[Yamamike]

That sh!t head made me cry!