different types of sex?

[Trader]

PENSION SEX

Two men were talking. 'So, how's your sex life?'

'Oh, nothing special. I'm having Pension sex.'

'Pensionsex?'

'Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!'

 

 

 

LOUD SEX

 

A wife went in to see a therapist and said,

'I've got a big problem, doctor.

Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes,

He lets out this ear splitting yell.'

 

'My dear,' the shrink said, 'that's completely natural.

I don't see what the problem is.'

'The problem is,' she complained, 'it wakes me up!'

 

 

QUIET SEX

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife

during a recent lovemaking session,

'How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?'

She glanced at him and replied, 'You're never home!'

 

 

CONFOUNDED SEX

A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body.

His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood,

but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.

The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for 'small, $6,500 for 'medium, and $14,000 for 'large.'

 

The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him

to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.

The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.

The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.

 

'Well, what have the two of you decided?' asked the doctor.

 

'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'

 

 

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their

40th wedding anniversary. The husband yelled, 'When you die, I'm getting

you a headstone that reads:

'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'.'

 

'Yeah,' she replies, 'when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.' '

 

 

WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX

My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said,

'This will make you happy tonight.'

He was right. When he went out of the bedroom,

I squirted it all over the doorknobs.

He couldn't get back in.

 

 

ELDERLY SEX

One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from Bingo and found

her 92 year-old husband in bed with another woman.

She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony

of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment, killing him instantly.

 

Brought before the court on the charge of murder,

the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense.

She began coolly, 'Yes, your honour. I figured that at 92, if he could have sex...

He could also fly.'

[SilvrT]

I like the jokes but I'm wondering what happened to "PG rating" ????

 

Seems we've been getting away from that lately.... yes/no?

[etcswjoe]

:backinmyday:We are just getting old what was "R" in our day now gets a "G" rating

[Dave3]

I think those were "PG".

No bad language and nothing gratuitous.

[Sylvester]

I have heard worse on 2 and 1/2 men.

 

[SilvrT]

I have heard worse on 2 and 1/2 men.

 

 

 

I hear worse from my own mouth !!!

 

nah ... I just wasn't sure if such references were or might be considered outside the boundaries of our "PG" rating ... frankly, it don't matter to me ... don't even know why I mentioned it other than for my own claification coz I got lot's of jokes I could post about this subject... :rotf:

[kenw]

Please post them1 They all seem pg rated to me and my wfe enjoyed them!

[Grandpagak]

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

[Trader]

I would think that the most graphic was the "anniversary sex" joke.

 

I thought they were cute...but if I offended ANYONE please accept my appologies! I would never intentionally do so.

 

Just trying to bring a smile to all those MISERABLE faces I saw on "A Face to the Name" thread!"

 

Oops....there I go again!