Rules of the Road, Chicago Style

[Sunrayman]

As a newbie member, I'd like to "pu my nickel in" and add it to all your million dollar ideas...

 

Enjoy these selected Rules of the Road, Chicago Style

 

Welcome to CHICAGO! First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-caw-go or Chi-ca-ga, depending on if you live north or south of Roosevelt Rd.

If your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy the updated one.

If you are downtown, and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Chicago has it's own version of rules; "Hold on and pray." There is no such thing as a dangerous high speed chase in Chicago, we all drive like that. All directions start with "I-94"...which has no beginning and no end.

The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00, and the evening is from 3:00 to 7:00.

Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and, if you happen to be on the South Side, possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross traffic, but be prepared to hear the horns from all the cars behind you because you didn't immediately start moving. Construction on the NW Tollway is a way of life and enduring form of entertainment. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way, Period! First Ave., LaGrange Road, Summit, Pulaski...all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections. If you stop to ask directions on the West or South Side, you'd better be armed. A trip across town will take a minimum of four hours (East to West), but North-South freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75 mph. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85 mph. Anything less is considered sissy. The wrought iron on windows near Englewood and Austin is NOT ornamental. The Eisenhower Exp. is our daily version of NASCAR. The Congress Exp. is called "The Death Trap" for (2) reasons; "death" and "trap". If it's 100 degrees, it's "Taste of Chicago" time. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Sox Park. If you go to Wrigley Field, pay the $25 to park in the "Cubs Lot". Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2,500.00 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him!

Happy Motoring in the Windy City!!! SUNRAYMAN

[Snaggletooth]

Da man speaks the truth without bias. LOL!

[oldgoat]

being from illinois this is so true. and dont ask a sevice station employee for directions. unless you want to come back for coffee about 100 miles and a hour and a half latter just to hear him say i thought you would be back so i made a fresh pot. LOL

[LilBeaver]

Yup, I used to drive through Chicago twice every weekend... I commuted detroit-chicago for two summers (I had a job in each place)... I do NOT miss that c*** at all.

 

Thanks for the laugh

[cb1313]

I grew up in Maywood during the 50-60's . In the 70's had a 305 Honda Scrambler. I lived a house from the Eisenhower for about 18 years. I remember winter sleding down the express way before it opened and during bad storms when there was no traffic.

I went back after 30 years but left quicjky because I forgot my gun..... because of the other drivers !

 

Cb

[kenw]

I'll be passing through your town this weekend Genos east, Home Run Inn, and any beef stand in town, look out cause this kid is passing through and i'm food deprived!!!

[stardbog]

Cool Man.:rotfl: Thats right... follow trafic flow.

[dynodon]

I actually faced down a Chicago cab one day. Was lost, somewhere in the middle of the city, not the nicest area, and really ticked off. Came to an intersection, I had the green light (was in my car, and older '89 Taurus, this detail may have saved a wreck) and as I entered the intersection at a slow speed this cab started to run a light to my right.

 

I just glared at him and kept going and at the last second he slammed on the brakes.

 

Whey did the car save me? Well, although it was shiny, the cabbie probably recognized that it wasn't worth much and he had more to lose than I did at the moment.

 

Do I get some sort of award for that?

[GaryZ]

How to get respect from other drivers;

 

1) Drive a very expensive car

 

2) Drive an old beater

 

3) Drive a very expensive car that is wrecked on both ends

(the other driver will absolutely know you don't care)

[CrazyHorse]

I actually faced down a Chicago cab one day. Was lost, somewhere in the middle of the city, not the nicest area, and really ticked off. Came to an intersection, I had the green light (was in my car, and older '89 Taurus, this detail may have saved a wreck) and as I entered the intersection at a slow speed this cab started to run a light to my right.

 

I just glared at him and kept going and at the last second he slammed on the brakes.

 

Whey did the car save me? Well, although it was shiny, the cabbie probably recognized that it wasn't worth much and he had more to lose than I did at the moment.

 

Do I get some sort of award for that?

 

You have to bring your "A" game to Downtown Chicago driving my son was blown away because we live in a rural area 60 miles west of the city. Skills weren't quite up to par for that battle.

[eusa1]

go like he l and keep a big red neck nascar sticker in the window!!

welcome to ILLINOIS!!

[Bummer]

It doesn't actually sound like much has changed since I was there in '70. Density perhaps, but not intensity.

[Moose]

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!!

[Flyinfool]

I am amazed at just how many Darwin candidates are on the Chicago roads.

[bongobobny]

I learned about Chicago at an early age driving on the 90 at noontime...