It's hard to find the right words sometimes.....

[Snaggletooth]

 

Now as a guy I find a need for a "Special" type of card on certian holidays. They just ain't out there.

 

Hallmark don't have the kind of stuff to show how I feel.

 

 

 

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.

After having met you, I've changed my mind."

 

 

"I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I

never believed in Hell till I met you."

 

 

"Looking back over the years that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?"

 

 

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that

you're not here to ruin it for me."

 

 

"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your

sister."

 

 

"As I grow older, I think of all the gifts you've

given me.

Like the need for therapy..."

 

 

"Thanks for being a part of my life! I never knew what

evil was before this!"

 

 

"Money is tight, times are hard, here's your

freaking Christmas card!!!"

 

 

 

"Someday I hope to get married, just not to you."

 

 

 

"I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened,

especially since you survived."

 

 

"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... Almost

Lifelike!"

 

 

"Congratulations on getting married! It's not every day you

decide to ruin your life!"

 

 

"I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected.

While I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly."

 

 

"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad nobody likes your wife…"

 

 

"I'm so miserable without you; it's almost as if you were here."

 

 

[oldgoat]

ok heres another one

i thought you where the most beautifull woman i ever saw

untill i went to the eye doctor and he gave me glasses..

[RedRider]

i thought you where the most beautifull woman i ever saw

untill i sobered up..

 

fixed

 

RR

[Yammer Dan]

Should I print a copy of that and leave it for the Warden in the morning???

[Snaggletooth]

Should I print a copy of that and leave it for the Warden in the morning???

 

Go ahead Dan. I'm sure you are a lil familiar with the word "PAIN".

 

Keep us posted on how that works out.

[abnormalwon]

If you make them, I WILL buy!

 

Thank you, I hope Hallmark is hiring.

 

Norm

[bendtdj]

Here's one that only works in certain areas.

 

"Happy Birthday Uncle Dad!"

 

Dave

Edited May 10, 2011 by bendtdj
typo

[Yammer Dan]

How do you spell Chicken??

[Snaggletooth]

How do you spell Chicken??

 

Hi Dan,

 

Try some of these lines on the Warden and see how long you are allowed to still sleep in the house.

 

What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.. It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

[Yammer Dan]

I'll have to wait til she finishes mowing the grass.