dingy Posted January 20, 2011 Share #1 Posted January 20, 2011 1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward: NAIVE 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool ? 3. If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans? 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? 5. There are three religious truths: a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters. 6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? 9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist? 10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? 11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? 12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? 13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? 14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? 15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me, they're cramming for their final exam. 16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? 17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? 18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? 19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? 22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose? 23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? 24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells... 'THEIRS'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sylvester Posted January 20, 2011 Share #2 Posted January 20, 2011 You have too much time on your hands!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingy Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share #3 Posted January 20, 2011 You have too much time on your hands!! It was a cut & paste actually. Gary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubber Posted January 20, 2011 Share #4 Posted January 20, 2011 So in other words you stole it!!!!!! :banana: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Owl Posted January 20, 2011 Share #5 Posted January 20, 2011 So in other words you stole it!!!!!! :banana: He's a Marine. Marine's don't steal. They simply practice relocation of assets.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PBJ Posted January 20, 2011 Share #6 Posted January 20, 2011 no he appropriated it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dray Posted January 20, 2011 Share #7 Posted January 20, 2011 So in other words you stole it!!!!!! :banana: WOW! thats Harsh! Barrow yes Barrow thats the word were looking for sounds much better dont it:bluesbrother: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingy Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share #8 Posted January 21, 2011 So in other words you stole it!!!!!! :banana: Well, I don't think in the legal sense I stole it. A friend emailed it to me, though they may have stole it. I am probably only chargeable with receiving and concealing stolen property then. And since I really haven't concealed it, hell I might only have to do three months, maybe it will be friggin warm by the time I get out. Gary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpagak Posted January 21, 2011 Share #9 Posted January 21, 2011 my favorite was 17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?:smile11: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilvrT Posted January 21, 2011 Share #10 Posted January 21, 2011 Here's one for ya'll .... If you appear in a Campbell's Soup commercial .... are you then a SOUPer Star? :rotf: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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