Holiday Eating Guide

[Jerry W]

Eating Tips for the Holidays

 

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet

table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see

carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum

balls.

 

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it

any

other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000

calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an

'eggnog-aholic' or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it! Have one for

me.

Have two. It's later than you think.

 

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of

gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of

your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

 

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk

or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a

sports car with an automatic transmission.

 

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to

control

your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat

other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

 

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New

Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.

This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the

buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of

eggnog.

 

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like

frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position

yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before

becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of

shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

 

8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of

each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one

pumpkin.

Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert

-- Labor Day?

 

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the

mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have

some standards.

 

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the

party

or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread

tips: Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember: 'Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention

of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather

to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly used up,

totally

worn out and screaming 'WOO-HOO what a ride!'

 

Happy Holidays!

[hipshot]

Eating Tips for the Holidays

 

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet

table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see

carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum

balls.

 

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it

any

other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000

calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an

'eggnog-aholic' or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it! Have one for

me.

Have two. It's later than you think.

 

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of

gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of

your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

 

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk

or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a

sports car with an automatic transmission.

 

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to

control

your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat

other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

 

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New

Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.

This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the

buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of

eggnog.

 

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like

frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position

yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before

becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of

shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

 

8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of

each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one

pumpkin.

Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert

-- Labor Day?

 

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the

mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have

some standards.

 

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the

party

or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread

tips: Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember: 'Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention

of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather

to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly used up,

totally

worn out and screaming 'WOO-HOO what a ride!'

 

Happy Holidays!

 

GOTCHA!!!!!

just jt

[Chuckles]

THE ONLY WAY TO GO

 

Chuck

[Condor]

HEY!!! I like fruit cake...............

[BoomerCPO]

Timely advice which all of us should heed seriously!

 

ps: Fruitcakes make worthy and long-lasting door stops......and/or wheel chocks.

[Yammer Dan]

Good advice. But my mom makes a Fruit Cake that is the best thing on the table!! I'll have a piece for you!!! As soon as I sample everything else!!!

[Condor]

I guess I got into fruitcakes back when I was a kid in upstate New York. My grandmother used to bake up a bunch of them in July, wrap them in cheese cloth, put them in a barrel, and let them soak in rum until Christmas. Talk about good. Yummmm!!! Hic!!!

I still can't figure out why people feel they need to put down fruitcake. Maybe it's just the 'in' thing to do???

[kantornado]

CONDOR I figure its because the people only tasted the store bought one"s.

My MOM also made them fresh and used lots of RUM pretty much how yours was made....MMMMMMMMM

Mighty tasty

 

I think storing them in RUM for a couple months was the trick.:rotf::rotf:

................................Ron

[Sailor]

Give me that dark, rich, fruit cake, loaded with dark rum that weighs about 5 lbs per slice and you can keep all the other deserts.

[Condor]

Give me that dark, rich, fruit cake, loaded with dark rum that weighs about 5 lbs per slice and you can keep all the other deserts.